"And you may ask yourself... How did I get here?"
I really, really am... How did I get here? What happened to me? I had personality. I played games, and built models, and wrote blogs. I pontificated about Star Trek. People would reach out to me to have a good time, and talk about things. Now I feel like a shell.
I spent so much of the last decade letting my job, my work life, absorb everything about my existence. I spent most of my time thinking about my job, trying to teach people how to do my job, trying to expand on a growing wealth of information about my career field. Yes, it is in the zeitgeist, and maybe it's important; it is also exhausting. It is consuming my very soul.
I want to be more than my job. I want to be more than my field of study. I want to be a human being with interests. I want to exist in a society, not as an island, but as a member. I need more than to just subsist. I am more than my working life. I am more than the job I do. Why don't I still feel like it?
Who I am fixes things. Who I am makes things. Who I am watches and thinks a whole lot about Star Trek. Who I am plays games.
When I do these things that I enjoy, lately, I feel like I am betraying something. I feel like I should be doing work, I should be writing a blog post on how best to develop a secure network, or build a home lab. I think the truth of the matter is: I don't think we should keep doing these things. I think the internet and digitalization of the world around us is killing society. I think we should all start being more comfortable writing posts about how to cook potatoes. We should be out here making websites full of Gifs and bespoke memes. We should be making zines (with our hands!). Share crochet patterns, and pictures of bugs. Do more things that are meaningful to you. Go out to physical locations and play tabletop games with people (Romme, Mahjong, Dungeons and Dragons, Warhammer, Battletech, ANYTHING). Engage with other human beings. Stop being part of a machine, stop letting the modern world consume us. Connect with nature and go on a hike. Make a shirt, or a macaroni art.
Maybe I needed to hear this more than anyone else. Maybe no one else feels this way. But I am tired of sitting here, day in and out, watching the world spin around me. Human beings evolved to be social. We developed the internet to expand our ability to be social and used it to absolutely destroy every iota of individuality that humanity had left.
We need more individuals and fewer mouthpieces. Find your passions and follow them. Be You.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.